Recognizing Toxic Relationships, Red Flags and where to get help.
“When you notice someone does something toxic the first time, don’t wait for the second time before you address it or cut them off.
Many survivors are used to the “wait and see” tactic which only leaves them vulnerable to a second attack. As your boundaries get stronger, the wait time gets shorter. You never have justify your intuition.”
― Shahida Arabi
Okay, so we all know some people that we believe to be toxic, right?
And we all have different triggers when it comes to defining what traits are and are not toxic.
Whether it’s because of the way they communicate or the way they decide to talk behind your back, you may feel the word “toxic,” fits quite perfect.
Toxic relationships can be a learning experience.
If you look up the definition of a toxic relationship it says:
“A toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.”
Unfortunately, we never know before we start getting to know that person if they are toxic or not, isn’t it safe to say that’s what dating is all about?
Finding what you do want and what you don’t want in a friendship or partner.
Sadly, society today has smeared the meaning of what’s acceptable when it comes to mental, emotional and physical abuse.
As humans, we are not perfect, and as someone who has been in a lot of toxic relationships, it feels important to share what may or may not be acceptable when navigating life and it’s stressors.
Fortunately, all you have to do is ask:
“How can I tell when I should love and accept someone’s flaws? And never overlook something that made you feel a certain negative emotion.
Some behaviors and attitudes just don’t change much with time (or at least not without help from a professional).
That being said some people can change because people grow and mature. I’m not gonna put anyone down because that’s not what I’m here to do.
Sharing your story can save lives, based on the past, the honor is mine to share with you what I feel can be toxic because of my experiences with both friendshps and relationshps.
At the end of the day, only you can make the changes in your life.
Everything that I write is based on my own past and I’m no professional by any means but I’ve been through hell and back, it’s worth it if my words help just one person.
With that in mind, let’s talk about what a toxic relationship is (to me anyway) and you maybe you’ll be able to relate.
One thing that I learned while being in these relationships is that if you feel like you have to tiptoe around some subjects because of your partner’s anger then there’s one of your signs right there.
For example, say one of your friends asked if you wanted a ride to school and your partner yells and acts out just cause you weren’t hanging out with them.
Of course that deals with romantic and non-romantic relationships, it’s still toxic, you should always be allowed to have friends.
Relationships does not mean ownership and lack of freedom.
Anger is anger and if the person decides to take that anger out on you to make you feel like you’re worthless or they decide to use their hands on you….that’s toxic.
Then there’s people who use guilt trips to make you do or act as they want, not considering your feelings or what you want out of life.
They will cry and make you feel like if you don’t do or say what they want then you’re a terrible person.
Example being your friend comes to you asking to stay with you to get away from their partner because they had a huge fight.
Your friend cries and says if they go back it’s gonna be worse and drops the suicidal bomb on top of your head.
Then you come to find, they were lying about how bad the fight really was because you got told the next day what actually happened…
How were you to know?
You just believed your friend on blind faith and using your loving heart.
In most cases of a toxic relationship the one who is being toxic will either not know that they are being toxic or they do know and have a persona filled with toxic red flags.
What are some red flags to watch out for?
- All take, no give.
- Feeling drained.
- Lack of trust.
- Fear tactics.
- Constant judgment.
- Persistent unreliability.
- Nonstop narcissism.
- Consistent lying
- Constant excuses
- Blame game (it’s never their fault).
As mentioned before people do change and grow but, if they know they hurt people and don’t care that’s the worst kind of toxic individual.
Blind faith shouldn’t always be followed, and what you are told about a person should be taken with a grain of salt until you can make your own observation of that person.
After all, there are two sides to every pancake.
Lastly, the best advice I can give is to use your own gut feelings and ask questions.
Honestly, find out what you can and remember what’s toxic to you isn’t always toxic to everyone.
Resources that can help you during a toxic relationship.
Furthermore, if you feel alone, suicidal or stuck in a toxic relationship, there are resources to help you get through these life trials, including:
- Suicide Hotline – 800-273-8255
- Reddits Suicide Watch (users help by talking to you in a private setting).
- Reach out to a friend or family member you trust.
- TrevorSpace – is an online international peer-to-peer community for LGBTQ youth and friends.
- Crisis Text Line – You can text 741741 anywhere in the United States and speak with a trained Crisis Counselor.
Not to mention, if you don’t feel comfortable with those resources, feel free to follow me on social media, even if it’s just to rant. Again, I’m not a professional but I can do my best as a stranger friend.