Pain Is Temporary: Coming Out at 30 Years Old.
My First Pride Out Of The Closet
“By the time you hit 30, the people who don’t resonate with you begin to drift away, and you become even closer to those you truly care about. By this point, my close friends and I have faced so many tough times together and our bonds have grown tighter because of it. Cherish this group of friends or, as I call them, “the family you choose.”
Every year, Pride month is celebrated across the globe. And every year there are people who share their stories about identifying as LGBTQ.
These stories are personal accounts of what it looks like to be LGBTQ. Further, sharing their pain, their struggles, and giving advice to others who relate to the experience.
Pride is a celebration, it’s fighting back against various forces that want to eliminate queer lives.
As a result, many people choose to keep quiet about their sexuality.
Later in life these [some] individuals reach a breaking point, and everyone who has a negative thought can see the door.
Unfortunately, not everyone becomes brave without a little push. For this reason, it’s important to lend out a helping hand, share your story, and help others reach their true potential.
What Does It Look Like To ‘Come Out’ At 30
Your 30s isn’t much different than growing up in your 20s. In fact, we’ve technically only been adults for about 12-years of life [assuming you’ve moved out of your parents].
Yes, your 20s are incredibly difficult because they are the vital learning years. It’s the very decade you spend figuring out school, friends, love, sexuality, and your future career.
Your 20s is all about finding that ultimate comfort in your life.
But the question some people learn late is, “what does it look like to turn 30, and start over?”
After all, turning 30 can make a person feel “too old,” to start over.
Honestly, I used to feel like turning the big 30 would be like putting your right foot in a grave. Now, it feels good, and it’s far more relaxing than it did 9 or 10 years ago.
Your 20s is all about finding that ultimate comfort in life.
You begin to realize that your 30s is a fresh start… especially because you now have your 20s to examine. Your heart breaks were the best teachers, you found the kinds of friends you don’t want in your life, your lessons have sculpted you to care enough that you ended up on this very blog.
Despite learning, it really can feel as though you are “too old,” to start over. But what does turning 30 and starting over look like?
As a result, you might even find yourself thinking you’re too old to come out and talk about your journey. And you might even feel like it’s resetting your whole entire life.
You’re right, but coming out is the same at any age, it’s just a number. When you decide to stand up for who you want to love, you may find people putting you down.
For example, this year, I’m turning 31-years-old and I have been married prior to coming out of the closet.
Sadly, it was my goal to make sure I could keep it hidden, even resorting to my first marriage because it was better than secretly being in love with my best friend at the time.
At the same time, I had friends who had come out of the closet. And they ended up leaving the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
Imagine how difficult it must have been to be that brave. I wanted to be that brave, it was something that made me jealous because I just wanted to feel “real love.”
What does it look like to come out at 30 years-old?
On the other hand, part of me was extremely happy for them because they did give me the motivation and inspiration to take action… yet I still stayed quiet suffering in silence.
“It’s disgusting and you’ll go to hell if you’re bisexual. The church will kick you out and you will never reach the celestial kingdom.”
That’s what my best friend told me any time I brought up being bi curious.
“You make me throw up in my mouth and I hate throwing up.” She would continue on and on, endlessly.
That’s why “starting over,” isn’t really a bad idea. After all, you get to clean out judgemental and negative people out of your life.
Coming out at 30 is starting over, you’ve started living your truths. In that very moment, you will feel thousands of pounds lift off your shoulders.
And a beautiful rainbow will appear right over you, where it once rained.
Until now, I didn’t live a very honest life. As a result, I spent more time hating myself, and believing everyone who put my self-esteem down.
Negative Things People Say Which We Should Ignore
|You’re going hell because the Bible says your sinning.||You won’t be able to have a family of your own.|
|Being gay is a choice||You just haven’t found the right man|
|This is just a phase, ignore it.||You can’t carry the family name|
|Gay people are criminals||People who are LGBTQ have drug problems|
|You don’t look gay||You’re too beautiful to be gay|
|You can cure the gay with faith in Jesus Christ||You will get sexually transmitted diseases|
|You can’t love someone of the same sex||You are a dissapointment|
Look, at the end of the day, people are going to talk, and it’s not always positive. These are just a few of the things I’ve had to endure before and after coming out of the closet.
The truth is we really shouldn’t judge someone’s life. It’s not as though we have to live by the same standards as X person.
To be frank, all you need to do is keep negative thoughts to yourself, live your life and have respect. Isn’t it fair to treat others with the same respect you ask of others?
It’s okay to be scared, and it’s okay to ‘start over,’ because starting over could be the start of something simply indescribable.
Lastly, remember that coming out at any age is difficult. Being older doesn’t make it easier, and there are regrets [at least in my life], just bleed a rainbow of bravery because it’s beautiful world.
What advice would you give to someone in their 20s or 30s struggling to come out of the closet? Sound off in the comments below!