LGBTQ: Coming out is far from easy but there is nothing like helping another through their LGBTQ+ related trials.
“If you are in the closet and fall in love with someone of the same gender, it doesn’t automatically remove the shame and fear that’s kept you locked away. The love you are experiencing encourages you to face the reality that this is who you really are and also has the power to set you free. The richness, beauty and depths of love can only be fully experienced in a climate of complete openness, honesty and vulnerability. Love, the most powerful of human emotions, is calling you to freedom and wholeness.”
― Anthony Venn-Brown, A Life of Unlearning – a journey to find the truth
Alright guys, first off introductions.
My name is Trey Obenchain.
I’m 19-years-old and a transgender male.
I’m one of seven siblings so you can say my family is pretty big.
Now this is going to be my story about how I came out this year as trans. I know that a lot of parents and family and even friends don’t accept the lgbtq+.
I hope that me telling my story could give you guys more confidence in coming out to whoever.
The way you choose to come out is all up to you but, maybe hearing someone else’s story could help.
To start this off correctly, I was in the closet for a long, long time. I knew I wasn’t straight in middle school but, I didn’t know if it was bad or a good thing.
If something was wrong with me you know?
Of course I hid what I was feeling from everyone as do most people that start feeling that way at a young age.
I dated multiple guys during that time even though I had a crush on my best friend.
I was trying to fit into society’s norm’s back then to the point that it pushed me into a deep depression.
My parents were unaware of the depression or the confusion I was feeling about my sexuality. I told maybe a handful of friends about what I was feeling but, some of them didn’t understand and soon we weren’t friends anymore.
Towards the beginning of high school things started to change for me. More people in my school were coming out as bisexual and lesbian it made me feel more comfortable at school.
Unfortunately, at home I still kept everything secret because I was afraid of how they would act along with every other closeted kid I felt I would be disowned.
With that in mind, I wasn’t exactly sure where I stood in the LGBTQ+ community.
I had many friends in my school who were part of the lgbtq+ and they explained some of the things that I was unsure about at the time.
My closest friend at the time was a transmale who went by the name of EJ or Elijah James.
He helped me get my first ever binder and took it home with him so I could keep it hidden away from my parents.
I dated my first girlfriend freshman year and of course only people at school knew.
Her parents knew about her being into girls but mine did not. We went on what we called “Group dates”. We had our friend group hang out at a park or a movie so my parents wouldn’t know.
We didn’t last long because she wanted me to come out to my parents and tell them we were dating.
I wasn’t ready and I still wasn’t sure if I only liked guys or girls or what I wanted. I still feel bad about breaking up with her but I couldn’t do what she wanted me to do at the time.
Fast forward to sophomore year, I started doing more and more research on lgbtq+ and hanging out more with that crowd so I could understand more about myself and who I wanted to become as a person.
I ended up dating three guys that year because I was being bullied for dating a girl and then breaking up with her.
Sadly, they started calling me a “fake dyke” and also were spreading false rumors about me having sex with someone behind a vending machine.
It made the rest of that year hard for me as I ended up getting into a lot of trouble and got multiple in school suspensions.
Junior year is when everything got a little easier or at least I thought it did…
I started to go to therapy and came out to my mom and biological dad as genderfluid, granted I didn’t really know how to fully identify my sexual orientation.
I also ended up dating another four girls that year before dating a guy who finally became my fiance after our long on and off relationship of three years.
That year was one year I’ll never forget. I did a lot of soul searching along with having more people to talk to about what I was feeling back then and there was also lots of pain that year but, that’s a story for another time.
To say nothing of my senior year……that was one of the most intense years I ever had up to that point.
Getting kicked out of classes because teachers would refuse to use my preferred name and then on top of that more false rumors spewed from other students about my life.
Some were about me having sex in the bathroom or me going out on weekends to go hang out with people to just to have sex with one of the guys.
Having told my friend group at school that I believed that I was actually bisexual but, I was still doing research on the lgbtq+ when I was then kicked out of my moms house and the last three months of high school I spent at my biological father’s house.
Between the end of my high school career in may of 2019 till now I’ve been moving around a lot. I’ve been keeping up on my research to learn as much as possible about all of the lgbtq+ community.
I moved from my home state of North Carolina to California and during that time I started talking to a few trans people and what they were going through and or went through.
The more I talked to these people and they told me about how they felt towards themselves before coming out and before they started their transition, I realized I was feeling those similar feelings.
I went and started buying binders and more masculine clothes because I was told by one of my trans-male friends that it helped with body dysphoria.
Honestly, I didn’t think that I had body dysphoria until I put on my work clothes and a tie.
I had never felt more like myself in my whole life.
Now here’s the part you guys really want to hear about and that is how did my family take it?
Well let me tell you this my biological dad and my step-mom were confused as to why they were getting a phone call at four o’clock in the morning.
They were half asleep but they had already been awake for awhile so it wasn’t like I woke them up.
So I asked them a bunch of questions to see how they would react to just hearing about the LGBTQ+.
Once my dad said he had a trans friend that gave me more confidence and I used that opportunity to tell them I was trans.
My dad asked why and if I was going to get a full change.
My step-mom on the other hand asked me if they were talking about me in a conversation if they should use he/him pronouns. I was very accepted by them that early morning.
Truthfully, the majority of my family were very unaccepting when it came to my identity, but all you can ask is for the same level of respect.
My step-dad being one of them. He said to me that he “raised a daughter not a son.”
That even if I got my name changed legally he would still call me by my birth name.
No doubt, there was still an incredible amount of love from other parts of my family.
You guys just need to understand that not everyone will accept you but the ones who do love you unconditionally and are going to stick with you.
They are gonna fight for you towards the parts of your family or friends that don’t accept you or like how you’ve chosen to live your life.
Remember it is your life. It’s no one else’s so it’s your choice who you want to be and who you want to love.
Sound off in the comments below and share your stories, you never know who you will inspire. And if you’re loving the positive vibes, be sure to subscribe to our Newsletter.
Lastly, love yourself to the fullest, it does get easier.