Domestic Abuse: What Happens When Doors Close?
“YOUR ABUSIVE PARTNER DOESN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIS ANGER; HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH YOUR ANGER.
One of the basic human rights he takes away from you is the right to be angry with him. No matter how badly he treats you, he believes that your voice shouldn’t rise and your blood shouldn’t boil. The privilege of rage is reserved for him alone. When your anger does jump out of you—as will happen to any abused woman from time to time—he is likely to try to jam it back down your throat as quickly as he can. Then he uses your anger against you to prove what an irrational person you are. Abuse can make you feel straitjacketed. You may develop physical or emotional reactions to swallowing your anger, such as depression, nightmares, emotional numbing, or eating and sleeping problems, which your partner may use as an excuse to belittle you further or make you feel crazy.”
The secrets social media never sees is abuse. Most people don’t get online to brag about the good things happening in their life (not everyone).
Even if someone is in a seemingly “perfect,” relationship, it doesn’t mean that their home life has the full American dream.
Abuse comes in many different forms. It can be physical, mental, sexual, and even horrifying events can affect a person’s well being.
With that in mind, it’s important to note that abusers come in many forms, including family, friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, brothers, sisters,cousins, and sadly, even parents.
One public example of being stuck in an abusive relationship was Rihanna. Unfortunately she was involved in a very public domestic abuse case against her boyfriend at the time.
The incident happened the night before the Grammy Awards and both singers canceled their appearances at the show.
Of course, those watching put her down for staying “too long,” and being “stupid.” In reality, she was only following her heart, she was still learning and growing.
Eventually, she made the right decision and bettered her life by moving forward.
Sadly, abuse is in our neighborhoods, our workplaces, and even seemingly fun date nights.
Who wants to admit the fact that toxic relationships go through cycles of hate and desire?
What happens when the door swings shut? If only walls had eyes…
It’s a simultaneous feedback loop of wanting them more than imaginable, yet somehow, you still want to run.
Also, doesn’t it feel like you don’t want to hate them because you did love them at one point.
What person wants to talk to their family and friends about a tough situation when you still want to be with them, regardless of how much they hurt you.
And it doesn’t make sense, and it feels awful, it’s good when it’s good but when it’s bad, it’s awful.
But how about those who do speak up to family and friends?
When you bring it up, and try to explain how and why you love someone so much even though they hurt you.
“How could you care about someone who hurt you so much?” It doesn’t make sense because you can’t express feelings in words.
You can’t say exactly what it was that you experienced with them and most of the time, what we were feeling with them, what we were in love with, was the feeling of love.
It’s not necessarily them.
So we’re missing and craving this feeling of “love.” And it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re the only ones in the world who can give it to us. It’s just that our brain is confused. And longing for something that we were used to feeling.
It’s so hard to get through that and I promise you, everyone feels it.
If you’ve found yourself questioning your worth, your relationship,
And it’s okay to be defensive, after all, you did fall in love for a reason. But if you find that you’ve given up the essence of who you are, it might be time to be blunt and honest with yourself.
Obviously, it’s not going to be easy, and it will feel like your whole world is crashing down. But nothing is worse than wasting years of your life on someone who doesn’t apperciate who you are as a person.
It’s okay to feel that.
And it’s okay to be defensive, after all, you did fall in love for a reason. But if you find that you’ve given up the essence of who you are, it might be time to be blunt and honest with yourself.
Obviously, it’s not going to be easy, and it will feel like your whole world is crashing down. But nothing is worse than wasting years of your life on someone who doesn’t apperciate who you are as a person.
A partner should constantly push you to be a better version of yourself daily. And most importantly, a partner celebrates your success with you, never against you.
Be brave, you never know what beautiful surprises the world will bring into your life.
